His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
