Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
