He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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