I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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