just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
