sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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