How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
