Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
