she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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