Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
