You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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