R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
