It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
