After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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