Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
