She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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