I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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