I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
