i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish I only lived at night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
