My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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