shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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