I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
