i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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