Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
