I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now