Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it