we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
cat food counts as protein by the way
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"