i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
