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• (917): View more from New York City

  we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  cat food counts as protein by the way

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  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle

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• (909): View more from California

  Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"

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