Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.

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  (360): afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep. http://tfl.nu/xylt
  Replies (52) Good night (1700) Bad night (8221)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  drunk me is so punny.

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  (803): so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life. (843): drunk me is so punny. http://tfl.nu/qdzv
  Replies (19) Good night (8964) Bad night (1194)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up

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  (262): The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up http://tfl.nu/qgka
  Replies (8) Good night (1050) Bad night (3532)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store

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  (828): yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store http://tfl.nu/iz0y
  Replies (8) Good night (6323) Bad night (1148)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.

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  (716): i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing. http://tfl.nu/i263
  Replies (10) Good night (3306) Bad night (979)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics

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  (917): Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics http://tfl.nu/t7mh
  Replies (7) Good night (3213) Bad night (1758)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.

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  (401): You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas. http://tfl.nu/h7nj
  Replies (4) Good night (4163) Bad night (889)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.

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  (613): my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet. http://tfl.nu/v7qv
  Replies (10) Good night (1173) Bad night (3710)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit

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  (978): dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit http://tfl.nu/yivm
  Replies (14) Good night (1296) Bad night (3783)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money

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  (403): Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money http://tfl.nu/gvry
  Replies (6) Good night (1750) Bad night (1131)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?

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  (603): I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night? http://tfl.nu/pz1o
  Replies (3) Good night (416) Bad night (745)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.

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  (815): His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water. http://tfl.nu/symz
  Replies (1) Good night (880) Bad night (362)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime

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  (302): I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime http://tfl.nu/7bjc
  Replies (11) Good night (477) Bad night (874)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.

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  (717): There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing. http://tfl.nu/cfbw
  Replies (5) Good night (893) Bad night (466)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.

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  (480): This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help. http://tfl.nu/vra3
  Replies (5) Good night (462) Bad night (542)

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