Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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