that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying