Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
