I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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