Where is the hickey?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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