if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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