hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
