I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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