im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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