Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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