I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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