I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
