he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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