Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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