Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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