Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
