my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
