how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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