does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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