What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
