Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
