Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
