So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
