...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he fucked my hip out of place.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
