I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
