the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
