Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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