turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
