My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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