so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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