This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
