I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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