He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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