The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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