I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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