look no pants
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
