Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
