Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
that is very illegal...i love you.
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