Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
